Falling Through the Cracks

It really took me till I was this many years old (64) to fully understand how I fell through the cracks as a kid and for most of my adult life.

I was quiet when I was a kid and I was not at all boisterous nor “that kid who bounced around class, causing a disruption.” Because I was pretty smart, I could mostly figure out what was going on even if I hadn't been paying attention. And my not paying attention invariably took the form of daydreaming, “going within” and looking out of the window. Most of the time, it wasn’t visible.

The only thing anybody would look at and remark on was the fact that I seemed unusually withdrawn and quiet, and that I seemed very slow to learn things.

Those attributes followed me through most of my adult life and definitely did make it harder for me to hold jobs, often because I couldn’t adapt to new situations fast enough. As a result of this I (rationally) concluded that I should probably find some form of self-employed gig to make my way through life, preferably one that didn’t really involve people… very much.

The situation was likely exacerbated by the fact that I was not at all competitive, and generally very compliant and not someone to challenge authorities. It just wasn't in my nature.

And so, I largely fell through the cracks until the whole field of ADHD studies and understanding became a lot more expansive as I aged, and the definition changed considerably.

Even so, I had managed to create a life situation that allowed me to get by (note: not thrive, just get by) and the rest of the time I was masking pretty effectively.

I don't know how my life would have been different if different at all if we had had the knowledge in the 1970s that we have in 2025. However, I feel pretty sure some things would have been easier to navigate even if only for the reason of knowing what was going on with me rather than feeling like a freak.

I think about that, rather too often...