ADHD Coping Tools: Record Keeping and Concentration

I have been "keeping track of things" since I was a little kid.

I always used to think that it was merely something to help me because I seemed to have a pathetically poor memory. Ideas would come into my head; I might act on them and then have forgotten everything, 10 minutes later. As I learned more about psychology, it occurred to me that my desire to "keep track" of everything might not be memory related, but instead signs of OCD.

And yet?

I really wasn't "recording things" because I felt any kind of obsession, but because it helped me keep track of things; in a sense, the recording served as "place holders" that allowed me to be somewhat functional in life.

All these years later, I still "keep track" of a lot of things. As I have come to embrace the idea that this "thing" that causes me to lose my place so easily is not "poor memory," I have also come to understand that there are "tools" I have been using for most of my life... and whereas they may seem "weird" or "OCD-ish" to some, they are actually helping me.

So what exactly does "recording" what I do, in the course of a day, do to help me? It helps me restart abandoned projects where I left off, rather than leaving me to fumble around to figure out my "place." It helps me "manage" my efforts to keep 4-5 "project lines" running, side by side, without getting overwhelmed.

Yes, I do "lose some time" because it takes time to write things down, in addition to doing them, but it is not a major issue for me. The bottom line... recording things allow me to create some "illusion" that I am able to concentrate my efforts.

Being a Highly Sensitive Person with ADHD

I am a Highly Sensitive Person (or HSP).

And I am an HSP with ADHD.

Lots of HSPs are afflicted with ADHD, but for several years now I have been pondering the overlaps and connections. Being an HSP is not a "diagnosis," it simply means you have an inborn genetic trait; your body is "hard wired" a certain way. You feel more; you feel more intensely.

The "intersect," as I experience it (and other HSPs have shared very similar experiences with me) is that because being highly sensitive makes me "feel things deeply," I experience the effects of ADHD more "intensely." And sometimes those experiences feel "amplified" to a rather debilitating extent.

It is really important to understand that being an HSP and having ADHD are two distinct situations. One does not CAUSE the other, and one does not IMPLY the other. To the degree there are correlations between the two, they are typically "non-causal."

Stated differently, I am having "the same ADHD experience" as everyone else, but because I am an HSP, how that feels is more intense than most people's feelings.

One of the places I have struggled most is to manage the "limited bandwidth/energy" I often have because I am highly sensitive alongside the general distractability that goes with ADHD. The end result is this "state" in which I feel overwhelmed and overstimulated (the "HSP part") by the fact that my inability to focus (the ADHD part) is keeping me from being able to efficiently navigate daily life.

In a practical sense, it has manifested as periods during which I feel totally immobilized... not by my actual work and chores, but by knowing how much effort it will take simply to stay focused.

It's hard to explain-- and perhaps it doesn't really make sense unless you're also an HSP, yourself. I will of course add in here that my "issue" is the Inattentive form of ADHD (wikipedia), which is quite different from the well-known "Hyperactivity" form most people are familiar with.

I am still trying to make sense of the "intersect" of the two. Here's a metaphor that helps me a little:

I think of myself as a piece of machinery. I have a fuel tank containing a certain amount of fuel. As people, we all have "fuel tanks" of certain sizes. As a Highly Sensitive Person, I burn the available fuel faster than most people. As a result, when I am faced with the consequences of my ADHD, I have less fuel available to "fix things" and simply "keep plugging along," till whatever I needed to do is done. This leads to a "secondary feedback loop" in which I feel overwhelmed because it feels like no matter what, I won't have the fuel reserves to complete what I need to deal with.

Many years ago, I used to think of it as "Bailing out the Titanic with a tea cup." No matter what, the ship would "sink." My efforts were only sufficient to slow down the inevitable sinking.

Hence, a period of years during which I have been trying to "simplify" my life, so the "available fuel" will be sufficient to deal with the "stuff of life"... because there's no "increasing the size of the fuel tank." The answer, continuing with the ship metaphor, isn't to become better at bailing, but to make sure I'm on a smaller ship.

If you are an HSP with ADHD, "simplifying life" may be one of your single best coping tools-- and I also mention that because many HSPs are loath to resort to medications, because of the stronger impact of side effects.

"Functional" Distractions... as an ADHD Coping Tool

I am eternally looking for ways to make my "scattered" life easier to navigate.

For a few years now, one of my most effective tools has been finding ways to engage myself in what I think of as "Functional Distractions."

The bane of my existence (and the underlying cause for much of my non-productivity) was always the fact that I would get sidetracked into doing "useless things" and end up with a day where I actually worked for maybe 30 minutes (net) and spent ten hours exploring a variety of mostly useless "rabbit holes."

Some part of me wants to rationalize that I was sidetracking because it was the only way to stay awake, and that maybe my research would "be useful some day," but that excuse has never really done me much good. Bottom line-- for 99.9% of the population-- is that unless we work, and actually accomplish things, we can't pay for our rent, power bill and groceries.

As a self-employed person for almost a couple of decades now, the temptation presented by alluring distractions has always been great. It is just soooo easy to stop to check email, check Facebook, follow a link, and before I know it, another two hours have been eaten off the clock. Of course, since my issue is "inattentiveness," I also have to be constantly on alert for simply "staring out the window" (for 45 minutes) or day dreaming.

I have already written about my "scattered work" which I call making a living... and it is really the result of deciding that it is inevitable that I am going to sidetrack... so when I do sidetrack, why not make it to something "functional" rather than something "useless?"

There is a certain irony in the fact that this blog was started as a form of "side tracking," because I felt like I'd be unable to find my ramblings about living with ADHD among the thousands of posts that make up my private personal journal. Besides... it seemed like a right thing to write this stuff "out in public," just in case someone else might see it and find it useful.

"Functional Distractions" is a system by which I give myself "permission" to get sidetracked from something that needs to be done... as long as I sidetrack into something else that needs to get done. Running a number of microbusinesses is ideal in the sense that I can switch between very different tasks-- all of which need to get done. I can write here, then go list five things on eBay, then do some photography, then do ten minutes of book keeping, and it's all "in bounds," even though I am flitting around like a hummingbird on crack.

It may not be the most efficient way to work, but it's a lot more productive-- at least for me-- than trying to focus on a single task and then zoning out permanently after 30 minutes.

"Cyclical" ADHD?

Sometimes I can't help but think that this ADHD thing is "cyclical" to some degree.

There are weeks/months when it seems like I am barely affected at all, and then there are weeks/months where it is all but impossible for me to focus on anything, even for a few minutes. It makes me wonder how the human "natural cycles" plays into the condition.

Haven't really found much discussion or documentation about this aspect of ADHD.

Of course, just because something hasn't been "discussed" doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Then again, it's entirely possible that there's no connection and "it's all in my head." Or it could just be a reflection of my natural tendency to "think too much."

Still... when I look back at my years in school, there were also periods back then when I was clearly bale to stay more focused and get my studies done. And yes, I am pretty sure I am not Bipolar.

It's all a learning process, I suppose. Being aware of the "cycles," and the fact that my ability to stay focused moves in cycles... teaches me that I must make efforts to "make the most" of periods where I am able to concentrate.

ADHD vs. ADD: A Matter of Semantics?

For as long as I have been aware that the "situation" applied to me, I have been using the acronym "ADD" to describe myself, because the "hyperactivity" part of ADHD has never applied to me.

I never paid that much attention (no pun intended), figuring that the whole "ADD vs. ADHD" debate was mostly an issue of semantics. Which, as it turns out, is not really true... my using "ADD" is actually outdated.

My "condition" is correctly characterized as "ADHD-- Inattentive Type," so I suppose I should start to use that term, to avoid ambiguity. The term actually annoys me a little bit because I always feel compelled to add "but the 'H' part does not apply to me."

Which, in turn, makes me think about how we often end up with major differences between the "clinical definition" of something, and the "public interpretation" of the same thing. When you tell someone you're afflicted with ADHD, they've already jumped to the conclusion that you were "that unruly kid bouncing around the back of the classroom."

I already know about this situation because I am also an "HSP" or "Highly Sensitive Person" (Dr. Elaine N. Aron, 1996). Whereas this refers to sensory-processing sensitivity and a heightened awareness of sensory inputs, most people "assume" that sensitivity means you get your feelings hurt really easily... which is completely wrong. And so, telling anyone you're an HSP inevitably includes a long ramble to explain what the acronym really means.

Interestingly enough, there are a number of similarities between how being an HSP and an how ADHD-Inattentive manifest. I should probably write about that, some day.

Anyway... I guess I should start using the "correct" terminology, around here.

Finding Your Passion... when you can't Stay Focused

I suppose it's part of human nature to want to work with something you feel passionate about.

There are lots of different definitions as to what it "means" to be passionate about something... many of which seem to revolve around some version of being "almost obsessed" with what you're doing, and it "never feels like work."

Maybe part of the "problem" here is that people experience "passion" in different ways... and our society has a narrower definition of what passionate is supposed to "look like."

So what's my point? When you tend to "zone out" and "drift off" as I do... it's difficult for others to accept that I am actually "passionate" about what I am doing. Even so, people see my difficulties with staying focused end engaged in what I am doing and then spout "helpful advice" and platitudes like "You just have to find your passion! Someday something will come along and you'll just know it and want to do nothing else!"

To be honest... I feel that way about my writing. And I feel that way about my collectibles business. And I feel that way about helping people. And I feel that way about my beach combing gig. You can go see the "My ADD-ish Work" page for details.

But I'm not focused (aka "passionate") about just one single thing.

What also needs to be pointed out-- which is a product of the "slow cognition" and "low energy nature" of many with inattentive ADD-- is that I am perfectly "capable" of "zoning out" and "going to sleep" on even the things in life I am most passionate about. That doesn't mean I am not passionate about them! I just means I can't hold a fucking train of thought for three minutes!

Sorry, I slipped out of the "G" rating there, for a moment...

Perhaps the real issue here is that people put too much emphasis on appearances. Being passionate about something is supposed to "look" a certain way; to manifest outwardly, in a certain way. But a true passion isn't really about what "others" see... but about what YOU feel. And when you have trouble staying focused for any length of time... you can be as passionate as all get-out, and still not have the near compulsive looking drive non-ADD people manifest outwardly.

And in response-- as a bit of a postscript, really-- to those who think I need to "find a passion," I'd like to pass along the observation (based on 50 years of life) that even if the most interesting thing on the planet is passing before my face, the possibility still exists that I'll go "oh shiny" about something else... or simply "zone out" to another place. That just seems to be part of "the nature of the beast."

ADD Issues: Getting Defensive about Organization

Sometimes I get a little defensive about my "need" to be very organized.

On occasion, I've even been told that my "systems" border on the OCD-ish. I'll be the first to admit that I probably spend more time "organizing" than the average person. But do I really need to "lighten up" and "stop keeping all those lists" and "just let things unfold... you know, like NORMAL people do?"

To be honest, I get a little defensive, when I hear things like that.

For one, I followed the strategy of "normal people" for years and years... and found my life to be an eternal state of chaos in which things that "needed to be done" never got done and "unimportant things" would get done. It really didn't serve me very well.

About the same time I started using the expression "my train of thought has left the station... but I am still standing here on the platform," I came to the conclusion that the only way for me to be at least marginally functional in life would be to always "write it down" as soon as "it" occurred to me. Back then, I always carried a dayplanner around, and I bought extra "blank paper" pages for my endless lists of "stuff."

Truth be know, I did get more functionally effective at dealing with life. It no longer mattered whether or no my train of thought had "left" because I always "took a picture" of it, before it could leave me.

And people in the business world got very impressed with my ability to "remember" birthdays, anniversaries and other stuff... and that served me well.

The point, here, is that I don't know how to be "functional" in life, if I don't keep notes and lists of everything... because I can't remember what i was thinking, three minutes after I thought it. Sure, I have tried "brain training" programs and software, but it hasn't really "helped" me... not in an "effective" sense, anyway. Even though I test in the 95th percentile in terms of cognitive skills/abilities, it doesn't really help me, in a practical sense. I can focus on a little "cognition test" for a minute, score better than 99% of the population... but then what? I move on. Doing the "brain exercises" hasn't even helped me stay "awake."

So... I NEED my "organizational systems."

If you want to call them a "crutch," I'll accept that. I'm not good with the OCD-ish thing, though. I'm not "obsessed," I'm just trying to function, in life. And I'm using whatever tools I can, to help me do that...